The first cut is the deepest!

Here is a good piece of advice for any male teacher that finds himself conducting a conversational class in Turkey. Never, I repeat never ask your students "So class, do you have any questions for me?".  As you stand there, in front of 10-15 pairs of eyes looking up at you, you have no idea what you are about to be asked. "How is life in England?", "What's your favourite football team?", "Do you like Turkish people", all of these are what you are smilingly anticipating. Forget it! without doubt one of the first questions thrown directly at you will be "My teacher have you been circumcised?". 

Actually, that is not the exact query. With the average student lacking the knowledge of the English noun  "circumcision",  the exact interrogatory will be " My teacher have you had sunnet?" . Sunnet being the Turkish translation for circumcision.

Now, another piece of advice if you do not know what sunnet means, ask the students "what does sunnet mean?"...and do not do like me try and be adept to understand what sunnet means and try and deduce it!. Otherwise you will end up with a rather surreal and embarrassing conversation like the one I had a few months after being here with an advanced class, with myself having little knowledge of Turkish terminology!

Student one: My teacher have you had sunnet?

The question surprised me, and the right and left side of my brain had a verbal tug of war "sunnet , food or drink, food or drink, food or drink, food or drink, sounds like sutlac (a dessert)" 

Me: Yes, I have

My response obviously met with much approval from the class as they chorused  "Mashallah hocam, Mashallah" 

Student two: Where did you have it teacher in England or Turkey?

Me: Oh, only In Turkey. I have never seen sunnet anywhere in England which is a shame as I think they would love it there!. In fact, I have been all over the world and only ever seen it in Turkey!

The students quizzically looked at each other while I offered myself a congratulatory thought on my guesstimate!

Student three: Where in Turkey did you have sunnet my teacher?

Now, I know Turks are rightly proud of their culinary offerings but I was taking back how seriously they were taking it.I picked the first restaurant that came to my mind.

Me: Kazan kebab!

It was at this stage I realised something could be afoot here, as much mumbling was taking place amongst the students and one boy at the back, who had been dozing for most of the lesson finally sat bolt upright. 

Student four: Did you have a party?

I wondered why the occasion of me eating sunnet was so important but put it down to they were practicing question formats.

Me: Oh yes, it was my wife's sisters birthday . All the family were there and we had a great time I really enjoyed it. .....I would like to have it again!

Now, the whole class were sat on the edge of their seats, all with knowing smiles . I was a lamb to the slaughter ...and they knew it!

Four students together: How did you have sunnet teacher?

It was too late, I had to uphold the dessert line and go with it!

Me:  a knife ....

The students stopped laughing and maybe I had accidentally grasped the meaning of the word; sunnet

Me:.......and spoon!

I was done for as the before quiet well mannered group became a like a pack of hyenas collapsing into hysterics around me!

The bell saved me! After they had all picked themselves of the floor they slowly crawled out of the room in tears. Speechless I stood there in total confusion. As I watched them go, I noticed the only girl of the class still sat in her place near the back. She had hardly said a word all lesson and by her clothing knew she was from a very conservative family She stood and approached me, head down. In one hand holding an open well thumbed dictionary.She handed it to me with head still down, as to not catch my eye. One word was highlighted in pink florescent pen.   

sünnet ,-ti Islam 1. the Sunna (the sayings and doings of the Prophet Muhammad, which form a basis for much of Islamic law). 2. ritual circumcision. __ derisi foreskin. __ düğünü circumcision feast. __ ehli

Seeing the "C" word, I handed the dictionary back to her and locked my hands around the back of my head in my embarrassment  and stupidity. "it's ok teacher, thanks to you I have learnt a new English word today" she voiced as she opened the classroom door to leave.... "So have I" I thought "so have I"!

Little did I know that the "C" word would come back periodically to haunt and taunt me.

Now, it's not for me within these pages to throw out my judgement on circumcision although I can understand why Turks do undertake in the practice as they usually won't touch anything unless it has 20% off !. It just amazes me how often the usually shy, mild mannered Turks openly ask me about it. It's as if my genitalia have become the one of the great mysteries of the world! Not quite, "is there life on other planets?" but stuck between  Stonehenge and who really shot JFK!

 I was once sat with a Turkish friend who openly asked me "have you had it done?"..after giving him the answer I was then bombarded with the benefits of having a few sq cm of skin removed!. "it will lesson your chance of cancer"  was one benefit. Now, not wanting to lessen the awfulness of cancer, however. I have never heard of cancer of the foreskin! Another benefit offered was "it can stop infection or abscesses". I would imagine showering everyday would do the job just as well ! "it can improve the sexual satisfaction for you and your partner", so can a penis extension but I am not interested in that either! " You can have it done by laser these days", "Oh wonderful" I thought "  "I need some laser eye surgery soon maybe they can do it all as a job lot".

You're going to do what!

A couple of years ago, me and my wife were invited to the sunnet party of the five son of a friend of ours. A lovely little boy called Ahmet. I have to say it was an enlightening experience. His parents are more on the liberal side of society and in all probability had had their son circumcised because it's the "thing to do". The day was a beautiful hot Antalya one, and as we arrived it seemed the whole neighborhood had set up camp in their garden . A small band were playing and my eyes lit up when I saw a bottle of raki on each table. This definitely was not going to be a religious occasions.

As it is with these gatherings in Turkey, the woman have a tendency to group together, to gossip and to get approval of the new outfit they had brought just for the occasion. " Oh Elif, I love that dress", " Your hair looks wonderful Zuhal" seemed to be the standard praises. The men then all gathered together around the table, talking about work and to swap stories of their sunnet parties! I sat in genuine  amusement and interest as they related their sunnet events. However Ahmet was nowhere to be seen!

After about an hour of the raki kicking in, dancing started and it really took on the look of a family wedding. Suddenly it was announced amongst the men "Ahmet is ready" and we could all go and see him. With glasses of raki in hand, we all took an orderly queue that snaked up the stairs. Just like a long line of boys waiting to urinate at a house party!. After a while my little group finally reached the door of Ahmet's bedroom. "is he not well?" I enquired. His Uncle answered " oh he's fine just he only had the sunnet a few hours ago"!. We were  then summoned to enter the room by his Grandfather.

I am not sure what I was expecting, however I was not expecting a five year old boy, legs a kimbo showing of the surgeons handiwork !. "mashallah" seemed the traditional response from all around me. " feck me that looks sore" was mine! Poor Ahmet, still traumatized by the events of the hours before, lay with grimaced smile as all and sundry shuffled past whilst checking the poor boys badly bruised todger. Just like a mass crowd slowly going past a dead head of state laying in wake.

What was a nice sight though was the growing amount of bank notes in Turkish lira and dollars that adorned his sunnet jacket. Luckily my wife had forewarned me about this so I had a nice brand new crisp note to pin to him. The raki has fully taken affect now and as I pinned it I pronounced " I guess this is what is called PAY CUT"....the joke was lost on them but kept me amused for hours!

Anyway, please heed my advice when in a conversational lesson and if someone ever mentions the word sunnet to you then "cut" them off mid sentence!! You will save yourself a whole lot of hassle!

Westy